Monday, August 18, 2008

Swimming pool horrors

Whilst having lunch this weekend, Martine and I talked to the owner of this little outdoor restaurant in Capestang.

She was telling us about a particular visit to a mutual friends chateau swimming pool.
She'd fallen asleep under the shade of trees at the edge of the pool, but was surprised on awakening, to see a clump of leaves she'd not noticed floating on the surface that seemed to have come from no-where, so, being the good visitor she got out the pool skimmer and started skimming the leaves.

Suddenly, a huge wasp stung her on the cheek, it must have been drinking from a floating leaf and was pissed off at being disturbed.
Her attacker continued her assault (she called her a she) buzzing
around her face and so she put a towel over her head and ran up the steps to the chateau doors.
The maid answered and let her in, thus locking the still angry she-devil outside.

The maid shrieked when she saw our victims face, which was by now hugely swollen.
Our friend then decided that it was probably a good time to depart, through the back doors.
She mounted her bicycle and headed for home, unfortunately she could no longer see clearly as her eyes were streaming and so she failed to see a rock along the drive which she hit,
causing her to unbalance her bike into the deep drainage ditch full of very spiky brambles.

She eventually managed to get out, but her arm was now bleeding badly as she'd cut a blood vessel which was spurting blood down her arm, so she kept flicking her hand to be rid of the blood, unfortunately thus occupied, not seeing a low branch, struck her just above the eye, swiping her off the bike, yet again!

Then, whilst freewheeling down into the village, she managed to swallow a fly..

Upon finally entering her village she saw a circus sign saying they were opening that same night, so, she ran to her house and locked the high iron garden gates behind her, her neighbors,
also in their front garden noticed her state and all the blood and asked what was wrong?
She said, "If the Circus lions escape today, it will be me they will be eating"!


Borealnz (Jill) said...

Poor woman:-)
What a great story, I especially loved the punchline!

paulgrand said...

Its all true!
Postscript: After the ordeal
the owners of the Chateau, siad;
"No wonder you're falling off your bike, look at it"! It was a racer.. So now she has a little sit upright bike with a basket on the front..
She said pointing at it;
"Look at it.. It makes me feel like a real old lady"......!

Alex said...

laughing and wincing in equal measure.

paterjt said...

Great story. Sounds like a Keystone Cops movie theme. I'm sorry for the physical suffering but it truly makes for a story that is cherished for a lifetime. btw - I love your work. I added a comment to your 'at the end of the tunnel' photo on flickr. you might want to read that comment. I think I was gushing just a little.

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